Let’s play out a scenario in our head: You are in a good mood, and you get a phone call. You pick up, say ‘hello’ and are greeted by a polite telemarketer, who tries to upgrade your phone. You politely say that you are not interested and say goodbye, but before you can hang up the phone, the telemarketer just as politely continues their pitch offering you another service.
At first, you catch yourself getting angry at that person, but then you realize, it’s their job to hold you on the line as long as possible. At this point you interrupt and say that you are not interested, you say ‘bye’ and hang up without waiting to hear what the other person has to say.
In this scenario please focus on a specific moment. A moment when you realize that the other person, despite their friendliness, does not really care for you or your time. You have to act impolitely in order to protect your interests. You draw the line between your needs and the needs of others. You stand your ground, ready to protect what is yours. It is a very old feeling that probably helped many of our ancestors survive. Try to capture it as vividly as possible. Notice how it makes your ‘blood boil’.
You obviously do not want to be in that state all the time, otherwise you will turn into a selfish sociopath, without any empathy for others. But we do have to have this state available to us at a moment’s notice. Sounds like we need another tool that is similar to the base state.
Alternate Base State
Similarly to our usual base state, let’s pick a different moment from our past that is also relatively pleasant. Ensure that it is clearly remembered (relived), and that you would only associate this moment with positive things. Now let’s add an element to it. This element should clearly not belong logically and stand out. For example, if our memory is a sunny summer beach, let’s add a snowman. If it is a lush forest, let’s add a red phone booth in the middle. Pick an element that you like, have fun.
Once the element is ready, replay the telemarketer scenario, so that the feeling of protecting your interest is fresh in your memory. Once again, make that feeling as strong as possible. Now begin to strengthen your upflow and use this feeling of self-assurance as a filter. Begin projecting the upflow toward the contrasting element, making it very strong. Do it with all your might, throw it all in. Then discard the state.
The tool is ready for us. Whenever you need to feel self assurance, just recall the moment and the element.
Make sure that you do not use the Self Confidence program on yourself, in order to force yourself to do something. It should only be directed at others. To program yourself (to get good habits for example) use the luck program.